POLLYWOG NO MOREEEE!!!!! I’m an official shellback

I can’t believe I just went through what I did. It all seems like it was a funny dream.  Here we go- apparently it is an old tradition in maritime history to haze sailors who cross the equator for the first time.  Newbies are called “pollywogs” and experienced sailors are called “shellbacks”.  Back in history, the hazing was gross, violent, and gross again.  Nowadays, its all in good fun and harmless.  So 2 days ago, the ship got ready for the “crossing the line” ceremony.  The night before, every department on the ship had to have a skit ready to perform for the shellbacks’ entertainment.  Our group used MJ’s “Beat it” song and redid the lyrics.  Holy crap, the navy is a tough crowd. Every single act except for 2 got boo’d.  And if you were reeeeally bad, they made you do pushups. Luckily our group came away with being boo’d only.  Did I mention the whole ship dressed up as pirates for the occasion? Oh yeah. It was awesome. Everyone did SUCH a good job. People had stuffed animal monkeys or parrots on their shoulders, eye patches, hats, fake beards, swords (made with cardboard and tin foil) . one guy even invented a peg leg out of a toilet plunger. This was no girl’s camp skit. This was legit.

            So we performed and then went to bed in wondrous anticipation for the following day.

            5:00 am. Pots and pans awoke us with yells that we had 5 mins to be ready and all pollywogs had to get in line.  5 mins was a joke. We had about 1 min.  All of us slept in our clothes (which had to be inside out and backwards) because we knew we had no time. So no toothbrushing or makeup luxuries were going to happen. I strapped rags to my knees with duct tape and got in line.  Then on our hands and knees we went up the 2 flights of stairs and waited in the hall way as the torture began.  For an hour and a half the shellbacks paced the halls making us sing songs, making people run down the halls pretending to be airplanes, or Beyonce etc.  The reason we had to wait so long was because hundreds and hundreds of people were taking part. I had no idea what a big deal it was, but there were people there who had served over 18 years in the NAVY and they were still pollywogs. EVEN CAPTAIN Paulson! Haha I can say I was equal to the captain in one way- we were fellow pollywogs. Anyway, after the hour and a half wait, I got to the front of the line and started the physical exertion part. They made us do pushups, sit ups, jumping jacks etc etc. since I’m in excellent condition, it was easy. Just kidding, it was just really watered down because we’re on a hospital ship, it could have been a lot worse.

            Then we had to crawl up the ramps to the top of the ship on our hands and knees through sludge of jelly and go through obstacles.  When we got to the top where the galley is, I was so relieved- Breakfast time.  I was so hungry. And so wrong to think that breakfast meant break time.   I just wanted a simple pancake. They decided to give me the “house special”- everything. This included oatmeal, hashbrowns and meat, syrup, and eggs slushed into one paper bowl. Then we had to eat it while on our stomaches with no hands. As I got my 4^th bite of oatmeal in, the lady with a mop came by my food and bumped into the bowl, ending my eating time. That’s ok, I’m not a huge fan of the house special.  

Then it was time to go outside. Once again, on hands and knees, they hosed us down. With firehoses, they sprayed us with sea water and once again, put us through an obstacle course ( don’t worry, it wasn’t too bad)  I’ll save all the details for time’s sake but I’ll just tell you the grossest psychological horror I faced- we had to put our face in a bowl of dirty water and fish out a whistle with just our mouths and then blow it before heading on to the next station.  Yeah, it took me about 5 tries. I’m trying to forget that happened.  Oh and one more thing- a couple of shell backs i’m friends with decided that I should start over 3 times!  But its ok. Some people had to go back 14 times. Bless their souls.  Oh man, I have more to say but I’ll keep it “short”.  It was so fun.  Let me just say, my shower afterwords was so wonderful I would have paid $100 bucks to take it.  So now….I’m a certified SHELLBACK. Yeeeah.